i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
