Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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