Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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