mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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