I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So many bounce houses so little time
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
