Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
