ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
