pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
