i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
