Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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