yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize