A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
