i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
