I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
