All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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