Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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