the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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