...so i touched it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
