it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
