I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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