Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
