your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
