I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
