When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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