It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize