i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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