And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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