batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
