Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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