I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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