I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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