booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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