I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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