I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
