Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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