I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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