everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize