escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
