Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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