Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My vagina just clenched in fear
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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