i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
