like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
