Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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