I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
