My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
