Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
