eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
