I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
