My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
