i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
