I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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