singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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