I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
