Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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