Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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