Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
