I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
