Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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