Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Randomize
